Ellen's story. Sofa Surfing in a lockdown.

I have experienced homelessness three times. Twice when I was a student, simply because London was so unaffordable. The money I received didn’t cover living expenses, and I ended up sofa surfing and staying with friends.
 
I’ve also had chronic back pain for twenty-years, and have been receiving Employment Support Allowance for the last three years after a neck accident at work made it much worse. This made it difficult for me to secure suitable employment. I hoped self-employment would be a more flexible option to manage my condition, but the system won’t allow that, and being forced into a job that could make my condition worse is a constant fear. 
 
In Sept 2017 the landlady wanted to sell the house I was living in, but I couldn’t afford the rents on anywhere else while receiving housing benefit, so I was forced to sofa surf again. I stayed with a friend for 3 months, but she eventually asked me to leave too, and that’s when I first came to Crisis to get help with housing advice. I was referred to No First Night Out, who sent me to an emergency accommodation hostel, which was only supposed to be for three months, but I ended up staying for over a year.
 
The council said I must leave the hostel in Jan 2019 and go into the private rented sector as the wait for social housing is 2-3 years. Initially they sent me to a subdivided house which was one of the very few places that would accept housing benefit. The house was disgusting. There were used mattresses everywhere. Big piles of rubbish. There were 8-12 people came to look at it and everyone came out shaking their heads. There were people shouting and screaming at each other. It was awful. I didn’t feel safe. You wouldn’t have put a dog in there. I calculated the landlord of that property is probably getting £88,000 rent per year in from people in housing benefit.
 
I registered on the homeless register but was told by Hackney council that I was not priority need because I would not be deemed vulnerable enough on the street. I stayed in the hostel while my solicitor lodged an appeal, but eventually lost and was forced to leave in autumn 2019.   
 
I have been sofa surfing with friends for four months while bidding on council properties. But since the lockdown I have been unable to view any of them. The pressure to find my own place has been on for the past two and a half years, but now it is much worse. I’ve also been looking at private properties I could afford, but most landlords don’t even accept housing benefit, so it just makes you feel trapped.
 
My host is in vulnerable health with reduced lung capacity, so catching the virus could be lethal for her. I asked her if she wanted me to leave a few weeks ago so I wasn't potentially putting her at risk, but thankfully, she thought it better to have me around in terms of her mental health. She’s anxious about getting the virus but because she is in a wheelchair, I think she feels it is better to have an able-bodied person around, and also so she will not feel so isolated. The whole situation is making me feel very worried, so I don’t go out at all now, but I have limited internet and no television which makes it hard to stay connected to the outside world. If I have to leave here, I don’t know where I would go. I’m scared I would become street homeless.
 
It makes me very uneasy having to stay in the house most of the time. It’s somebody else’s space, so I am trying to be mindful not to get in the way, and to do things how she likes them to be done, but I don't even have a room to myself where I can relax. At least when you can go out you can get some space, but even that is not possible now.
 
I have a poetry mentor through Crisis, and she gives me an assignment each week. That really helps me focus and takes my mind of the present situation. I always found Crisis very calming and therapeutic and would go about twice a week. Some of the people are so loving. Encouraging other people in that environment makes a big difference. I’m really missing it right now. My progression coach calls once a week to check in. It feels good to have that connection.
 
At Crisis I was doing fashion and textiles, creative writing and poetry. I was also a volunteer assistant journalist for Crisis at Christmas. I was always learning new skills that would hopefully lead to work, and it was my aim for the end of this year to become self-employed, and get off benefits for good, but the way freelancers are affected right now does make me more worried for my future.
 
I am grateful to be well. I am fortunate to have friends who can help me. I have enough food. Not everybody has these things. But now we are in the fourth week of isolation and I am really worried about my host catching Coronavirus. Both of us are in good health as far as we know. Neither has had any symptoms, but we don’t know how long this situation is going to go on for and that is making me feel very anxious. Rough sleepers are being put in hotels and helped, but not everyone. It makes you think, if they can find accommodation for people experiencing homeless now, why can’t they do it all the time?

Ellen, London.